Life on My Beam

I hope you watched the little 3-4 minute video above. If not, what I have written won't make much sense.

Ok, let me just start by saying...WOW! Sadly, this is a pretty accurate description of what my life has been like...complete with helmets and all :-o  LOL!

BUT, with that being said, God is making some changes in my life :) They are small changes. They are on-going. It'll probably take me years, but I am a work in progress and my hope is to one day be free of  "the beam". Yes, there will be days when I make great strides forward only to fall further back. There will be days when I get stuck in the mud or fall flat on my butt, but not trying at all is much worse and is not acceptable. I don't want to stand before God tangled up in my safety net or with a beam strapped to my back and expect him to be pleased.

Please don't misunderstand what I am saying...no works, no deeds, no lack of a safety net or balance beam will ever be good enough to get me into Heaven. It is ONLY by grace (through the saving blood of Jesus Christ) that I have my name written in the Lambs Book of Life. Ephesians 2:8-9 says, "For by grace, you are saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God, not of works, lest any man should boast".

I'm talking about standing before the judment seat of Christ and I think this is what Chan is referring to in the video. 2 Corinthians 5:10 says, "For we" (meaning believers in Christ) "must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad".

I do home school (and I feel God is calling me to do this for the time being...and for me and others I know, homeschooling is a crazy and radical thing to do for the Lord) so I have no plans to change in this department...lol!

....BUT I will mention one area that has had a stronghold on us that we (with God's help) are working to change. Although we do not live in a gated community, we do have a gate...and a fence. By keeping this gate closed all the time, we have, in a way, shut ourselves off from everyone else living on our street. To put this into perspective...when family or friends happened to drive by and saw the gate open, they called and asked, What is wrong? Why is your gate open? Did you forgot to close it? See what I am talking about?

The street dead-ends at our driveway. There's a really long story to why we have the gate in the first place, but the main reasons are 1) because everyone thinks our street goes all the way through to the other Hwy so we get a lot of strangers and traffic driving right up to our bedroom window and 2) because we have a sort of a blind turn off the road (especially when the vines are not cut back) and into our driveway, so before you know it, you are stomping on the brakes to keep from hitting a kid zooming by on a bike. Anyway, what started out as a wonderful safety measure when our kids were outside playing in the yard, playing in the driveway, or riding their bikes has turned into a fortress of sorts...keeping us in and everyone else out. I am happy to say, for the past few days, unless it is nighttime, or the kids are riding their bikes, or playing in the driveway, the gate has been open :) 

This little gate story may not make sense at all to you, but it makes perfect sense in my mind of just one of the ways God is helping me let loose of "the beam".

On my own, I can't do anything, but with God's help, I know I can let loose of my beam :)

On a side note...This song below, Breaking Through, by Audrey Assad is one of my favorites and is such a beautiful description of the journey that God has me on.

Love is...

Love is NOT a fancy restaurant or an extravagant meal.

Love is NOT about money or an expensive gift.

Love is NOT about who can "out-do" or "out-buy" someone else.

Sure, there is nothing wrong with going out to eat, surprising the one you love with a gift, and all those other things we tend to do on Valentine's Day.

Love is so much more than that. Love is 1 Corinthians 13... God is love. There's a song I remember singing in the play "Down By the Creek Bank" when I was a kid called "Love Is". Here are the words below.

"Love is a very special thing:

a smile, a tear, a soft summer rain.

It has no beginning; it has no end,

but I like it best when it's shared with a friend.

 Love is never stuffed up, never puffed up,

never gives up when the goings rough.

It's the biggest little word you can say, by the way.

It's sympathy, sincerity, it's charity, the main variety,

 of everything happiness is made of.

 And I like it best when it's shared with a friend"

Who are you going to share your love...God's love... with today?

Not Too Far From Here...

I may have said this before, but I tend to think of life through songs others have written. On any given day (or any given hour for that matter), depending on what I am feeling or what is going on, the Lord will bring a song to my mind that so perfectly 'fits'. 

The song that is on my mind right now is 'Not Too Far From Here'. It's an oldie, but a goodie. My heart has just been burdened today by those right here around me that are hurting...divorce, sickness, hunger, uncertainty, unbelief, the list goes on.

I want to be Christ's hands and feet. I want to share with them the love that God shows to me. But my fear all too often gets in the way. My busy day all too often leaves time for nothing or noone else. My selfishness overshadows others' needs. But my prayer is for God to use me right where I am. I am praying for HIS love and HIS compassion. I can do NOTHING thru myself, but I can do ANYTHING thru Christ. How loving and patient our God is!...He's still working on me.

Someone is waiting...not too far from me and you...to show them God's love, to say an encouraging word, to pray for them, to reach out to help them, to simply give them a smile...

Won't you please be that person they are waiting for?

"Somebody's down to their last dime
Somebody's running out of time
Not too far from here
Somebody's got nowhere else to go
Somebody needs a little hope
Not too far from here
And I may not know their name
But I'm praying just the same
That You'll use me Lord to wipe away a tear
Cause somebody's crying
Not too far from here"

"Somebody's troubled and confused
Somebody's got nothing left to lose
Not too far from here
Somebody's forgotten how to trust
Somebody's dying for love
Not too far from here
It may be a stranger's face
But I'm praying for Your grace
To move in me and take away the fear
Cause somebody's hurting
Not too far from here"


"Help me Lord not to turn away from pain
Help me not to rest while those around me weep
Give me Your strength and compassion
When somebody finds the road of life too steep"


"Somebody's troubled and confused
Somebody's got nothing left to lose
Not too far from here
Somebody's forgotten how to trust
And somebody's dying for love
Not too far from here
Now I'm letting down my guard
And I'm opening my heart
Help me speak Your love to every needlful ear
Someone is waiting not too far from here
Someone is waiting not too far from here"

Just the way they are...

Have you ever just set back and watched your kiddos? Yesterday morning, while doing the dishes, I took a little break to do just that. And you know what? I like my kiddos just the way they are :)

I like their little mannerisms, their quirks, their eccentricities. Yes, sometimes, some of those things do get on my nerves from time to time, but God made them just the way they are. Who knows what God has planned for them? They may need those all those traits one day for HIS special purpose in their lives. (Now, I'm not talking about bad habits, bad behavior, or anything like that. Those things I could definitely do without!) 

I almost started to cry yesterday morning as I watched them sing those cute little Bible songs during the Bible part of school. And I thought to myself, "They are growing up so fast. Before long, they won't want to be singing these songs anymore."

Here are a few thoughts I had about my kiddos... You know us mommies can go on and on! But, I'll stick with the first few that popped into my head :)

My daughter...

She's the artsy fartsy one. The drama queen. The one with her own fashion and style.

My son...

He's the loving compassionate one. The analytical thinker. The one with no sense of fashion or style.   

Here's one of the songs they were singing this morning. Enjoy the video!

"Little by little, inch by inch
by the yard - it's hard, by the inch - what a cinch
never stare up the stairs, just step up the steps
little by little, inch by inch"

Forgotten God...

The title of this post comes from the book I have recently finished reading called, Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan.



This is the follow-up post to what I had started writing about earlier on the Holy Spirit. You can find those posts at It Happens in a Flash: Show me how to die and It Happens in a Flash: My Mother's Legacy... .

In the months before my Mother's death, she told me, "P, the Holy Spirit tells me things. If you listen, you can hear him speaking to you too." That got me thinking...do I listen closely to what the Holy Spirit is telling me, or does the busyness of my life and my plans get in the way all too often? She also told me that, if she had not gone through what she did with her pain and her cancer, she would never have relied or leaned on the Holy Spirit as much as she did.  "What about me?", I though. It shouldn't take tragedies and hardships in life to bring me closer to God, I should have been doing it all along.

The Holy Spirit is just as much a part of God as Jesus is. We try to explain the Trinity with cutesy analogies like water/ice/steam or the 3 parts of an apple. Those simple explanations do help us and all, but they can never come close to even scratching the surface of understanding the Trinity. The reality is, we will NEVER be able to explain the Trinity. Our human minds can only take us so far and the rest resides in the mysterious awe and wonder of God. Think about it...If we could explain it all, then God wouldn't be God now would he?

I watched my mom closely in her final weeks. She was in constant prayer. Every ache, every pain, every pill she had to swallow, every step she had to climb...she prayed. She told me the Holy Spirit helped her, comforted her, guided her. Doctors were amazed that she was still alive; they wanted to know how she was still here, still able to breath, to talk, to get around. She'd tell them, "It's not me or anything I have done, it's Jesus. To Him be the glory. Praise God!" Then, they'd reply something like, "Well, it must be. Looking at your charts, you shouldn't be here."

Let's face it, there are lots of things we can do without the Holy Spirit. We can rely heavily on ourselves and get pretty far in life: we can attain the American dream all on our own. I don't want to be like that . In the Bible, Jesus explained to his disciples that he had to leave this earth so another could come in his place. One who could live in us and work through us and be with us forever. Wow! Jesus asked God to give us a helper and he came in the form of the Holy Spirit (John 14:16). That is just amazing to think about!

At one point through reading this book, I started to think back to where I know I felt the Holy Spirit telling me to act and I did not. To give this stranger a hug or to ask this person if I could pray for them right then and there. So many missed opportunities because they didn't fit into my plan or my schedule for that day.

As Francis mentions in his book, I don't want to be the kind of person who orders the Holy Spirit around and tells him to go where I want to go or do what I want to do. I want to ask the Holy Spirit if I can join Him, if He can lead me and guide me, not the other way around. I need to be brought to a place where people can see God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit working though me: not me working through me. One of the things that Francis Chan said in his book that really stuck with me was, "The God of the universe is not something we can just add to our lives and keep on as we did before. The Spirit who raised Christ from the dead is not someone we can just call on when we want a little extra power in our lives. Jesus Christ did not die in order to follow us. He died and rose again so that we could forget everything else and follow Him to the cross, to true life."

A few parting thoughts on the Holy Spirit from the Bible as mentioned in this book...
*The Spirit speaks when we do not have the words. (Luke 12:12)
*He is our comforter, advisor, encourager, strength. (John 14-16)
*The Holy Spirit draws us closer to God. (Romans 8:26)
*He convicts us of sin. (I Thess. 1:5)
*The Spirit is our sanctifier. (2 Cor. 3:18)

All of these thoughts fit so perfectly with the things that have been taking place in my life over the past several months, the things that God has been showing me, and what I am currently reading in the book Radical by David Platt. You can see more on this at It Happens in a Flash: The Winds of Change are Blowing

I have a long way to go, I don't fully understand everything, and I'm going to mess things up terribly when I get in the way (and I know I will), but God is helping me. My prayer from here on out is to allow the Holy Spirit to work in and through my life so that I might live in such a way that there is no way people could mistake what is happening in my life for anything other than God and His awesome power.


    

The Winds of Change are Blowing

I've never been one for making New Year's Resolutions and I'm still not really, but God has been showing me a lot over the past few months and has really been speaking to my heart on a number of things. It is absolutely amazing how nearly every conversation, sermon, bible study, article in a newsletter, etc... has just all fit together and brought us back to the same point over and over. And I haven't even read the book Radical by David Platt yet!!! (My husband just finished it up last night and passed it on to me.)

After hearing our Sunday school teacher today and the message he brought, my husband laughingly said, "Do you think God is trying to tell us something?" There are so many things that God has shown and is showing me as a person and us as a family that we need to change...It just so happens that a brand new year happened to come around about the same time :)



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My Mother's Legacy...

My mom passed away on Tuesday, December 21, 2010. She passed away peacefully from this world and straight into the arms of Jesus. She was surrounded by her entire family. The room was filled with singing, prayer, tears, and joy. I know our 'going away' celebration could NEVER match that of her 'homecoming' celebration, but I am so thankful to God that he allowed each person to be there by her side as she passed on to her forever life with the King of Kings.

It's really hard to think of her not being here anymore. Every picture of her seems to stare straight into my heart. When someone you really care about is gone, you start to think about all the things you should have done, the things you should have said (or not said), the extra time you should have spent with that person through the years...just everything. To be honest, I've never lost anyone who was as close to my heart as my mom was.  I mean, I've lost grandparents, other relatives, and even friends in the past, but I was either too young at the time to fully understand what was going on or I was not as close to them as I was with my mom.

I miss all those things that used to get on my nerves: the lecturing phone calls, the unwanted advice, the arguments... And, of course, I miss all the nicer things too. My mother was truly the strongest person I had ever known. Her steadfast faith in Jesus Christ still continues to amaze me. Her church, C Baptist, created a a short 6-7 minute video of her and her testimony for a special they did in their church back in May of this year. It was played at her funeral. I still can't watch it without tears coming to my eyes and that will probably always be the case. If you have not watched it yet, please take the time to do so.

In the months before she passed away, she spoke to me a lot about the Holy Spirit. She told me the Holy Spirit was her comfort, her guide, her advisor, her helper, her strength... I have so much more to say about this topic, but I will save that for a future blog once I can collect my thoughts together.

On a side note - I am so far behind in our home school blog postings. I will catch up...one day.

Show me how to die

Wait...what? (cue record scratching screech) Show me how to die? No, I don't mean a physical death, but rather a spiritual death of self. That can only happen when I move out of my way long enough to let God take the lead. He's ready and willing and waiting patiently - I'm the one with control issues.

This is something that he has been dealing with me on for a long time. I know it will continue to be a struggle throughout my life as it is for every Christian, but I would rather run this race with more of Him in the lead than me.

When I try to control things, it never ends up very good. And I know that is going to be the case every single time, but I still continue to jump in and mess things up. You'd think I would have learned by now! I know the plans he has for me are way better than anything I could imagine for myself, but I really do have a hard time letting go and letting God take the lead.

At the start of the school year, I had all these ideas in my head of what I wanted to do as far as school was concerned, of what I wanted to be involved in, what I wanted the kids involved in. I started out going strong with Him in the lead, but somewhere along the way, I moved back into 1st place and got on the wrong path all-together.

When my mom's cancer went to the next level a few months ago and she started requiring more one on one care, I think that is when more of me started to take over. I thought I could still do this and this and that, AND take care of my mom, AND take over my brother's schooling, AND do everything else in-between. I've had to let go of everything I wanted and focus on what God wanted. And believe me, I put up quite a fight (and still continue to do so).

God is showing me that sometimes it is the most basic and simplest of things He wants me to focus on. There will be a time and place for some of those other things, but that time is not now.

God is showing me that I need to stop giving Him my left-overs. If I start out giving Him the 1st part of my day and I end up having to cut something out at the end of the day...it won't be Him. Who really looks forward to left-overs anyway? 

God is showing me that deviations do not have to equal disaster. That no matter what road-block is placed in my path, he'll lead me around it, over it , or crashing straight through it, but He'll be by my side every step of the way.


God is showing me how to die...

The title of this post came from a beautiful song titled "Show Me" By Audrey Assad. Here is a piece of that song along with a link to hear it for yourself...Believe me, it is beautiful!

"Bind up these broken bones. Mercy bend and breathe me back to life. But not before you show me how to die. God, not before you show me how to die."

You might also want to check out this blog. The post on 11/30/10 titled "Decreasing" has really been an inspiration to me. And I look forward to reading more of her thoughts on this.

Be Still and Know...

My mom had a really bad night Sunday night. It scared all of us. Needless to say, noone got much sleep. The quiet drive back to my house (at 2am in the morning), with no other cars on the road-no other noises, gave me some time alone just to be quiet and listen to the Lord. Amidst all the sadness, fear, and hurt, there was still an overwhelming sense of comfort and peace. It's hard to understand and it's hard to describe, but as believers in Christ, I know you know what I'm talking about.

Over and over, God kept reminding me to just be still and know...know that He is God, know that He is in control, know that He has a plan, know that everything will be ok.

Jeremiah 29:11 is a verse that God is constantly putting in my mind. "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "Plans to help you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future."

Some days are harder that others, but God knows what is going on, I just need to remember that and to 'be still and know'...