Friday, June 21, 2013

When is enough, enough?

I usually try not to publish my rants for any passer-by who happens to visit this blog on any particular day. Most times, I'll write to my heart's content, only to save the posts as drafts. 

Today is not one of those days.

Have you ever felt as if you have had enough? Enough of what? Well, I'm glad you! Everything really. At least today it feels like everything.

Enough of people dumping on you...saying they care, yet never taking the time to put those words into action. After a while, it can get pretty hurtful and those empty words cause all sorts of emotions to rise up inside of me. Up until about 2 years ago, I was a pretty non-confrontational person. I'd let things 'go', let them roll off my back and keep going. Then one day, I just snapped. I don't know if I just reached my lifetime quota of being 'dumped' on, if it had something to do with my mom's death, but I started to tell others how I felt...for real. 

Now, I don't share everything with everyone every time I get upset, but if it is important enough or a big enough issue, I have to. I try (notice I said try, and i really do) to confront people in the right way; in a way I would want someone to confront me. If I was to ever get from a superficial level to a 'real' level with people (ok, mainly family) I had to start speaking up, setting boundaries, standing up for myself. 

So now what? You share with that person (or people) how their insensitivity or flat out lack of caring makes you feel and get what in return? More empty words? Another lifeless apology, more excuses, another selfish attempt to have a pity party to divert attention to themselves and away from the issues?

When is enough, enough?

Is there ever a time to draw the line with that person (or people) and just 'be done'? Now, I know that's not the Christian answer, but come on, we all feel like that at times. Like you just want to give up on that person...or at least take a step back and give yourself some time (sometimes a lot) to heal...only to let that person back in to do the same thing again and again...for which you kick yourself each time and tell yourself, 'I told you so'. Ugh!

What is that force that drives you to keep trying? Love? Family ties? Or am I just a glutton for punishment? I know the Bible says to forgive, but that is easier said than done. I'm sure you'd all agree, especially, when the same things keep happening over and over and over.

So, what do you do? You cry. You ask God for help (LOTS of help) in forgiving that person, regardless of whether or not they deserve it, regardless of whether or not they even asked for do it because that is what God commands. 

I don't want to become a bitter person, and, yes, I have been there at times. NOT a pretty place. I have to accept the fact, that even if I am more open and honest with people about how hurtful their actions are, in the end, things may not change. When all sides have said their peace, I must walk away and allow God to do some healing in my life before I can get back into the saddle to try again. 

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks for taking the time to read this post and leave a comment :)